Busy & Meaningful Weekend

An oryx is the national animal of Qatar. I learned it from my cousin who lived there for a few years. And the answer of today's NYT game "Connections" included the oryx.

I had an unusually socially busy weekend.

Saturday:

Max's sister's whole family (3 adults + 1 kid) stayed overnight at our small apartment . I was first overwhelmed because I only expected to host 1 adult and 1 kid but they were very easygoing so I wasn't terribly uncomfortable. To my delight, I found myself more confident and comfortable in my skin around those people owing to my improved English as well as the therapeutic effects of the trauma book (I finished it and want to write more about it in a separate post). It would have been super awkward for the previous myself to tell the family I am not going on the annual vacation with them, but now I don't feel weird about it. I went to an engagement party and left it 5 minutes later and did not feel embarrassed. The music at the bar was sooo loud I couldn't understand what people said and that was good enough a reason for me to leave. I didn't feel ashamed or embarrassed. I shouldn't be subject to that kind of situation I hate. Also, honestly, I think the whole engagement is nonsense. Agreeing to marry someone should be a subject for discussions, not for a surprise event (especially when the couple has been together for a few years and even living together). 

Sunday:

My cousin(친사촌오빠) and her wife came into town from Korea so Max and I spent 6 hours with them(!). His father(큰아빠)and my father had a rift and lost contact. I haven't seen him for about 20 years(!) since our grandma passed away. We got out of touch soon after they got married so I had never had a chance to talk to the wife((새)언니). Naturally I was nervous about this meeting but I HAD A GREAT TIME WITH THEM AND I REALLY LIKE THEM. The special closeness I felt was unexpected because when I was growing up, I went to his house for 제사 2-3 times a year but he was much older (7 years) than me and we really didn't play or talk much. The most notable commonality might be that we both had a super strict father although we never discussed it directly. He also lived with my father(his uncle) for a while before he got married to my mom so he had a bit broader understanding of my dad. Unconsciously I must have had this in mind when I brought up an episode in which my father got infuriated and scolded me for Max not wearing a jacket at a family function (we call this "the jacket incident") years ago. The couple's response was incredibly insightful and fascinating. They told us about their own similar experiences with their parents(-in-laws) and explained what a jacket means to the father's generation.

My (new) sister is totally my type: She is a very warm person with a sense of humor and likes cultural experiences.  When we took the family to the Charlie Parker Jazz Festival, she enjoyed it a lot even though there were no empty seats and we had to stand for a while. And at the end of the day when everyone was tired, she even suggested walking through Central Park for over 40 minutes but it was shot down because her husband was too tired, LOL. They took a cab to their hotel. 

Also, the couple's son (my nephew, NYU student), J, was with us and it was fun to watch the family's interactions. When he was with me and Max, he was very reserved, but with his parents, he expressed his opinions, corrected his father's English and chose dishes for his parents at dinner.

They seem to be a very happy family. I'm genuinely happy for them and especially for my cousin not to turn out like his father. We are trauma survivors.