Jinx

I found this wasp 말벌 nest hanging from a tree which my cats were on in Central Park and got stung (mildly but still irritating) on the top of my head by watching and taking photos under the nest. It was about 2-3 meters above me. The wasps apparently perceived me as a threat. I thought it was a honeycomb.

I jinxed it when I said/thought my homesickness got a lot better lately. It came back with a vengeance. A couple days ago I almost cried in my dream where I was with my colleagues (언니2, 남선배1) from my first job in Korea and we were supposed to get together for my birthday dinner but I couldn't find my locker(!). Now that I write about it, I realize there were lockers in the public library we worked together, although they were only for patrons! Oh, how much do I miss 언니들과 선배! We got along so well that we even studied English together after work. 

The truth is this: In the US I am never going to find the same kind of friendship I had in Korea. PERIOD. I must accept this fact and must lower expectation of all my mediocre friends here. It took me a while to get to the realization, but my "best friend" K in NY just confirmed it this morning. She is the one who refused to go to the zoo in the previous "Three annoying women" post. This time we planned to go to Jones Beach and K texted me about weather the night before (when I got stung by a wasp). I have been checking weather everyday in NY as well as the beach and my app says no rain until 8pm on Sunday. But K said her app showed a 50% chance of rain and we shouldn't go to the beach. I asked which area she saw the weather for and she said Queens. WTF. She lives in Queens but the beach isn't in Queens. We exchanged some screenshots of each other's weather app and then decided to check back on the next morning before I leave home. But in my mind this plan already wasn't going to work out because I was so frustrated and disappointed with her ignorance (it's a strong word but I don't know how else to put it. She is 78 and terrible with technology but I felt she actually didn't want to go so she made up an excuse). So on Saturday night before going to bed, I texted her that she should go to church instead of the beach. She saw the text the next morning, called and apologized. She was well aware of my frustration over her ill-informed timidness (she is afraid of driving her car in the rain and, also, feel bad about making Max drive. It's my mistaketo tell her he didn't like having to meet her all the way in Queens instead of the halfway because she can't drive in unfamiliar areas) I LOVE her and her candidness but I can't accommodate her age like this everytime we meet. I ran out of the patience to try to convince her not to worry about the weather or safety or whatever issue she might have. If she is worried, nothing can change that. If she doesn't trust my judgment, I can't change it. Ironically, she is one of the most physically active senior people I know. She plays tennis, pingpong and the guitar. So even if I don't hang out with her, she won't miss me much. 

I had a good cry and my head is sore from the sting. My appreciation for all my friends in Korea has never been greater.