Trauma 2

It's the second weekend with this book. There's 1/3 left to go and it's the most important part covering treatments. Now I see two things: 1. I've had it easy compared to those who went through poverty, sexual abuse and severe violence. I am super lucky that I figured out a way to process bad experiences by writing about them and had a few good friends that I was able to lean on. 2. I'm not 100% healed. I wanted to believe I am over it, but the feeling of emptiness, tension and the need for others' approval say otherwise. Honestly, I don't know what I have been missing. I have no idea what it's like to be completely comfortable in my own skin. 

 

On the other hand, the book is making me reflect a lot on the past. It's painful--to say the least-- to poke the old wounds and bring up the emotions I forgot or buried, like resentment at my mom. I spent over 20 years desensitizing myself and now this book says it's a defense mechanism, but not a solution. I can stop reading it but my curiosity always gets the better of me.